Merry Christmas

Hey Everybody I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas Yesterday. I hope you spent your time with your loving family and made wonderful memories. 

My Christmas was extremely busy for being a musician a lot of gigs to look forward too.. 

But I hate being put on the spot to just play in front of a lot of people. It makes me more nervous then just playing by myself.

 Do you ever get that when you have to say a speech or a presentation for work ? How do you show that your confident in what you do. 

Anyways my Aunt and I came up with an idea for a themed christmas next year. 

Not an ugly sweater contest because I feel as everybody will be doing that already ..

We came up with the pj contest who had the best Pj's or ONSIES .. It was pretty epic and funny at the same time. I love hanging out with my Aunt. We have a great time . 

My mom is the best because I told her she didn't have to get me anything else for christmas because I already knew about getting a camera because I picked it ou back in October... I said that could be my christmas and birthday (Jan 4th). because it was still alot of money and I would be sooooo content because I love taking pictures. 

BUT BUT BUT ...

 I got a double gift from my sister and mom ..

DRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL please !

my mom and sister bought me a guitar because, I used to play on the one we got from school to use for our technique class and I picked it up rather quickly at school and I enjoy playing covers of songs and working on chord changes....

talk about best Christmas ever. 

Well that is all for right now I got to go and help mom out then we are going to see Les Mis in theaters. 

12/13/12

It's been 8 years since a friend of mine committed suicide. Time flies. I miss her terribly and she was gone too soon. But I will not forget her and the way she always smiled even if she was having issues. 

But It's not always thinking about the past always look to the future. 
Always reminding that the people that we lost are still with us no matter what. 

short blog today. 
My last final was yesterday I am happy to say that I am done Woo..

Happy 12/12/12

Wow it's been 12 day's since I've blogged weird.. I missed all of you ! I hope you are having a great Holiday .

I am officially done with all my finals the only thing that I have left to do are my two juries which I have in the bag !!!
At least I am hoping it's been a while since I've actually sat down and practiced. 

I am going to sit down today and practice for a little bit to get everything under my fingers again...

I've finally finished painting my room this morning. I had to work on some touch ups that will be dried by the time I get home tonight. the only thing that I have to do now is fix some of the trim and ceiling that got biege paint on it from the roller. Carpets are getting installed on Friday and Saturday is the first time I can actually get back in my room and sleep in my room and make it my own room again.
I'm excited to see the outcome with everything that is done.

My stress has been under control I now can sleep at night and not wake up in the middle of the night and worry about something.


You know what I never realized is that my past relationships never really worked because I think I never really loved myself in the beginning. I feel as though with this relationship I laugh a lot more and just feel like a normal human being. Granted sometimes I feel like I repeat myself on here about it. But It's like we don't have to  impress each other. When I go to the apartment I usually drop off my book bag in the front room and go in and start helping with dinner or I will do the dishes depending on what I can do. he gets a little annoyed because it shouldn't be my job to do and I keep telling him that I don't mind at all. I feel as though we act like we are a married couple because it just feels so natural. And yes I maybe crazy or what but, it's hard to explain for what feels so real. 

I am going to be working on a singing video I Haven't done one in a while at least post one to facebook or youtube. It's been for ever. I miss doing them

but what should i do ? 
Any suggestions?

maybe perfect by pink
or hallelujah 
ill keep thinking and maybe have my friend join in on the fun 


I hope you all have a great day on 12/12/12

25 days til Christmas

It's the holiday season. I still can't believe how fast this semester has gone by! I have one more week of regular classes and then it's finals and then Midwest. then officially break on December 23rd.. NO time to go christmas shopping for my family, how sad isn't it. I just wished i had the time and some sort of money right now so I can at least get something nice for my sister and mom. 

But being a college student and not really working a lot kind of makes it hard to do really. 

Remodeling the house is taking a toll on all of the family because we can't seem to find anything anymore because of all of it being moved and yet its being as organized as it is. 
anyways short blog today 

love you all 

MKB 

Thankful Thursday

It's time for Thankful Thursday I haven't done it in a while. 

I am thankful for so many things in my life.

I am thankful for a wonderful family even though sometimes we get on each others nerves. 

I am thankful for the friends that I have and that I can be crazy with all of them.

I am thankful for my education and that I wouldn't be were I am today if it wasn't for my education

I am thankful for a wonderful boyfriend , if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be able to be the best that I could be. 

I am thankful for my animals because if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be as compassionate or responsible  as I am 

I am thankful for everything that has happened if it's bad or good it's what god wanted to plan for me .

I am thankful that I get to go back to church even if it's only once a month . I've prayed for the life that is to come and that I'm thankful for my life in general.

I hope you all have a great Thankful Thursday 

What I Love about Wednesday

What I Love about Wednesday is that It's the middle of the week , and that I am happier then I ever been in a long time. Which is really great.
I've been changing a lot about myself that I am really enjoying . I've dressed up for at least the last two days (pictures to follow) I've cut my hair short again (pictures of before and after soon to follow). 

 I know in the past I've bragged about finally finding the "one"
with Geoffrey, but as that relationship went on I felt as if I was being someone who I didn't want to become. I felt as if I was loosing myself which I really needed to find. I've finally re found myself I've been my bubbly non makeup wearing enthusiastic musician. 

I think what happened was I was trying to be what Geoffrey wanted this self respected confident, successful, women who had to give up on a lot of what truly made her her. I know that I am not perfect , I don't think I would ever want to be perfect. I just want a relationship that is real and I believe I've found it.

I know what most of you are going to say that it's too soon. It's only been a month in a half, but every time I see him (steven) I just light up and I feel so happy.. I feel like I can talk to him forever , when we are not together it's like I feel like I am missing my other half. I feel so complete.  I tend to sleepover at his apartment and just hang out with him and his roommates because we all go to school together as well. 
You all can call me crazy or whatever but I know that I may be crazy .. but I feel so normal for myself kind of normal ..

Well thats all for today folks I hope you have a great Wednesday 

playing catch - up ready set GO

 So it's been a great while since I've blogged. I've been extremely busy with school since it's the last three weeks of school left. I still can't believe that I am going to be graduating soon. It seems so surreal, yet so far away. I can't wait too be able to move out of my moms house and finally start living my life because yeah it's going to suck for a while, yet it's something I need to do .. I don't want to be living at my moms house til I am 30 which will be in five years. Yikes 

This past weekend my best friend got married.. I am so happy for her and her husband they are perfect for each other. I love the both of them. I'm so happy to have experienced them getting married. They are going to live a happy and long life. I just know it. 

My other friend who has two kids already and married is doing a lot better. From what she tells me Vincents really trying but it's still a long road to recovery. I've been on the long road to recovery for a long time. 

My aunt decided that Katie and I needed something that was really expensive and what not .. I got a starting wardrobe basic jean jacket black pants a navy cardigan and top that goes with it. 
and a scarf so very basic but it will get added to my other wardrobe things. The only thing that really sucks is that everything that you really need to start a new wardrobe is really expensive and something that a college student who has limited time to work should be using.. 
So hopefully I can get some more things for a little cheaper in price but have it still look good.. 

I feel as though i really never know what to write in this anymore because i feel as though all i do is one complain and give insight sometimes. But also I feel as though this can be just a place where I can gather my thoughts and get opinions because sometimes that is all that you need. 


Steven and I have been really good lately there hasn't been any fights .. Just kind of lonely because of the distance thing. Yeah we go to school but a lot of the times it gets to the point of that we don't really make time for each other. We try to but our schedules with school are completely different and it's hard to get time because I'm wrapped up in projects every week and driving back home every day is getting to be a drag .. I have been wishing that I could just move up to the city and it will be easier on my stress level and I can actually sleep a lot longer than getting up at 5 every morning to be out the door by 6 or 630 depending on the day.
What I think is that it will work out in the end it just going to take a great deal of time and patience. Something I've learned with my last relationship. You need patience..


We've been remodeling our house which seems like it's taking a lot longer than what is expected. It's a lot of work spending at least 12-15 hours working on the house. If it's ripping out carpet (which I've become really good at it ) or cleaning out what is left in the room, or taking out light fixtures and fans I can do that too ( well supervised) but I still can say that i can do it.  I just can't wait till the end of it and when everything will pay off. 

I'm ready for a new hairstyle and color I am going to wait on the color process because I am low on funds and usually I can get a good haircut for 20.00 and that's with it styled.  I am thinking of cutting a lot of my length off because right now it's at about my shoulders and I think i want to go back to a bob because it will frame my face better. 

sitting here waiting

Hello Blogging world it's been a great while, since I've been blogging. Did you miss my posts ? Anyways this weekend has finally come and Janessa is getting married and I am on the verge of packing and making sure that I have everything that I need . 

I am hoping more like Praying that my dress is going to fit ... Please please please fit.. 
It's been awhile since one i've seen it two had it on and i feel like I gained more weight with some of the stress. 

I need to find some jewerly and some make up.. 

Any ideas to get rid of acne, that will just make the redness go down and the pimple size. My face decided it didn't want to stay clear for my friends wedding where there will be a crap ton of pictures...

I have to go and get my nails done tomorrow when I get off of school ... but I don't know what I want to do yet. I don't know if I want to just get a basic manicure and pedicure.. or go a little more pricer because if I get a basic mani pedi my mani will be chipping right away.. that or else maybe I shouldn't get a pedi and just a mani because no one is really going to see my feet anyways.. I don't know . 

Anyways I've finally picked out an up do for Saturday which i think is really pretty . I usually hate getting my hair done because I generally do my own hair because I know how tempermental it can be. 


Anyways in other news. my mom still doesn't know that I have a boyfriend. I haven't had the chance to sit down and say like btw way I have a boyfriend. She likes to over react on both my sister and I . I just want her to be happy that I am finally happy. I feel normal in this relationship.I don't know maybe I am just being normal for once because it's like we are on the same level ish with school.. and it's vandercook.. stress is our middle name when we are in this school. When you go to school for more than 12-15 hours a day just to get everything else done on top of being in classes majority of the day. 


I am hoping that this weekend will be a good one. It should be but I feel as though I really need to have a good weekend because most of the time I feel so run down. and that it's just bad to think about. 
  

Hey it's November

 So It's been a while since I've really sat down at my desk to blog. My body has been in overdrive mode with a busy schedule. 

Knock on wood that I've been healthy ... 

This weekend was a long busy two days. I was tearing up my carpet since we are getting new carpet in our bed rooms. Boy does my body hurt!!!!. It was a good work out though and a good way to relieve my stress levels. 

My friend had her recital on Saturday night, she had no control over the day and it was just a bad day for her. Well it didn't help that her accompanist was late because she was taking care of her sick son. OK I understand that it happens and that it's not really her fault because you can remember something even if it is put into your phone and easily forget. I've done it yes I feel like crap when I forget but we are human right and nobody is perfect even if they want to be.

Today I had to play at a Lutheran church for a brass quintet. 

It was the first time I've played for a church in two years. 

It was interesting because also I'm really not lutheran so there was some things that were similar  and some that really wasn't . 

It was over all a good day and long service I got there around 7:45 and didn't end up leaving til around 11:45. I've come to realize that I really want to go back to the church every Sunday or at least Saturday since I mostly work on Sundays. It's been way to long that I havent been at church. I've stopped going since my dad passed away. I've only gone when I had to or for funerals .. 

In other news. I've been a lot more happier and really see a change in the way that I think about things now. One thing that I am really excited about is that I get to walk with my graduating class which is exciting for me because my class and I have been through so much together and I don't want to sit in the band and be upset that i didn't get to walk or be with my class. 

thats all for now otherwise this will be a really really really long blog ...

 more later  loves 

Mary Kay Bozec 

Catching up blog day !!!

So I haven't really been blogging a lot. A lot has happened in the last couple days that I really haven't been able to put into words .

Hard to do sometimes but it's ok . I hope you all had a good time this weekend if you were celebrating Halloween early.

Happy Halloween everyone !
I've been in the greatest mood when I am not home with my family. Is that weird to be more happier away from your family . No idea about that .

Anyways I hope you all have a great day

cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing

I have to say when you don't look for something and it shows up right in your face and is like HEY HERE I AM... when you are looking for something it doesn't show up or you miss it completely...
Ever get the feeling? I just had that feeling this past week. My friend steven and I have been friends for a year in a half. We are both musicians but he lives in Florida but moved up here  to study music education at VanderCook. We decided to go out on Tuesday. We went to the zoo and the cemetery (for me ) because I havent seen my dad and twin sister and grandparents in a while. He didn't mind the cemetery that much which i am greatful for .. 

I have to say it was a great day . I felt normal I felt as though I don't have to prove anything or be anything that I am not. I got to know him a lot more and he got to know me a lot more.. I have to say that I've had feelings for him for a while.. like when school started. this year. I felt as though he did too for a while , but sometimes when you flirt with someone that doesn't mean that they like you ...  which is true.

I don't feel stressed out I feel happier all the time I can't stop smiling even when he isn't around. When he is around I smile even more.  When he gives me a hug I feel as though I am home and safe and that I don't have to worry or if I am worrying about something it just disappears.. I also love that we can not always talk but we still acknowledge each other. It's always nice to have some kind of silence. 

Is this really normal to feel so sudden? I mean it shouldn't really matter as long as its a healthy relationship. 

Fall Break is over :-( Back to the grind !!

I've had a real great break. It was busy with working on the 4 projects my teachers decided to give us during midterms week.

I got to go to the zoo on Tuesday with Steven. I have to say it was the best time I had in a while.  

I didn't have to worry about watching mom or taking care of her I was so relaxed and It was super nice. It was a nice day out it wasn't too cold or hot. 

I also got to see my nieces on Friday because I havent seen them in a while they are just so adorable. pictures to follow ..  when i get them off of my phone. 

My cousin is finally married to her now husband Andy. 
Congrats to the both of them. 

I'm ready for another break. lol Is that bad to say. 
Anyways my mom was christmas shopping for me earlier this week. There is a camera store that is going out of business and she was getting another lens for her camera which makes about 4 lens. But she was debating on either a guitar for me or a camera. So she bought me a new professional camera. Which was pretty cheap for the place going out of business. Now to try to find another good camera store that they actually know what they are talking about. will be hard. 

Mom and I are getting excited for thanksgiving this year. We are going to see Chicago Symphony Orchestra (CSO) play the works of Fantasia. Talk about being excited I have only heard them once in a short concert but never a long concert and this will be fun. I can't wait. 

I hope you all enjoy your Monday 

something I never do

Generally I am a private person when it comes to certain things because at times I never know what others will think. 

I've been writing a lot of songs/poems and sometimes I just loose inspiration and what not. It always happens with a musician but you can always go back and it will draw you in ..

well I really want to share it with the blogger world because I feel there are things that a lot of you really don't understand me that well. I also want to step out of my comfort zone and be able to share something and not regret it. Well here it goes this is a work in progress. It's not finished 

 let me know what you thing 

It's hard waiting in a light that never moves 

It's time to start making your own rules 

you have to scream till there is nothing left 

cause here I am waiting in a light that never moves

It's time to start making your own rules 

I am tired of waiting in the shadows

for a light that will never be there. 

My hair is getting longer again.. the top picture was from 8 weeks ago. before i cut it 

the bottom is a recent picture.. of how long it is now..

Hope everyone enjoys their Mondays 

don't run away

I am so happy that it is Fall Break.. I really need this break from school. Yet I always miss everyone because we are such a tight knit group. But also you need that break because usually with being a tight knit group you get on everyones nerves. 

I've been working on my projects today. I am not even close to being done I've gotten 7 pages out of 19 for one project...
I have to be at work all day tomorrow , but it will hopefully go fast usually it does... because we tend to get busy before church and after church because everyone wants to go somewhere cheap for breakfast.

I'm ready to just sleep and be happy. I was so positive a couple weeks ago. That seemed to disappear real quick.. I wish it didn't but sometimes it has to disappear for a while and then come back.

I've really have never been a keen eye for people noticing them and what not because I feel as though i've been so school driven and been a caregiver for so long. That i've really put my life on hold beside going to school and working. I don't really prioritize going out and what not because I feel as though if i go out it will be like i cant go far because of taking care of mom. I'm not saying that mom doesn't take care of herself sometimes she can't help it.

Sometimes i don't know how much more I can do to take care of her. My body emotions and stamina are so far gone.. that I don't know how long it will be to pick up the pieces. 


I'm ready for just someone to hear me out. for once and not feel as though they care for a couple weeks and then not the rest of the time. My heart has been through way to much to bare any more agony.

Thats all for now..
Love you all 
enjoy your Saturday night

Tomorrow should be better than today

Generally, I can be the one who will just brush something off and move on as if it didn't effect me. 

That's what I called life, Because " Let your smile change the world, but not have the world change your smile" .. Which is great advice if I must say... Yet I don't follow my own advice... Wish I would, but it sounds better for someone else. Right? 

But I am so tired of everyone thinking that I don't do anything... or being a responsible adult... Ok I am sorry for going to school 50 hours a week commuting back and forth everyday to Chicago, working on the weekends if school functions aren't taking up my whole time. I am sorry that I have to loose sleep over taking care of my mother at night when she needs it. I am sorry for loosing sleep in general because I have to work on projects. Ok So please don't tell me that I am irresponsible for my life and myself being an adult. Ok I am trying the damn best that I can . If you have anything other than that . Well really tell someone who cares because I as of right now don't really care for what you have to say. 

I hope everyone is enjoying there Friday... I can't wait for Fall break I need a break from school and some extra sleep because with midterms and barely getting any sleep makes me very cranky....
But hey that's life. 


love Mk 

Why don't you stay

Only One more midterm to go this week then it will be fall break where I get to work on two projects ..

I'm taking a break from studying so that way I can clear my head because I feel as though I've havent been functioning a lot because of all the studying.. 

My friend Tori and I have been working out the last three days because we want to better ourselves and be at a weight that we love.  Yesterday we were gonna go do some cardio and everything was taken. we have such a small fitness room that you have to go during certain times in order to get a machine. So instead we tried ZUMBA.. 

I have very little dance expierence at least in salsa dancing because that is what Zumba kind of is... But I had the best time I was laughing and dancing and just forgetting everything that was going on and just did something for myself.. I don't remember the last time i've really done that. 

I felt so much better about everything. That even if i can't make something happen then just let it be whatever it is. Because getting it your own doesn't work in general . Just enjoy life. After all of that I've felt more relaxed ... 

well that is all for right now because I have to go to band rehearsal... MIDWEST here we come...


Love you all 

Day 2 workout and enjoying the fall weather.

I've been very busy studying for midterms. I can not wait for fall break next week.

My cousins wedding is a week from Saturday .. She is getting pretty excited I am getting excited to see everybody and to have a break from life in general...

My mother left for door county this morning. I know the animals will be lagging without mom because they sleep with mom. Which means that they will be bugging me through out the day... 

I barely slept last night moms new pump system kept me up most of the night because the alarm just goes off when it's high and or if it can't find the signal for it I was ready to chuck it across the room because I don't mind having it but having it go off every other hour was driving me crazy.. I just wanted to sleep...

Today was my second work out and i did 5 miles today on bike because of my joints and I did it in 21 mins... I am pretty proud of myself .. I also did a lot of abs today too. That was what killed me ... But I have to say that If i didn't work out today I wouldn't want to keep doing it. Usually takes two weeks to do it.. or at least to keep in up.. 

I'm pretty proud of myself.  I even as a treat got myself an apple from the convience store on campus and it was delicous.. 
Now for tomorrow I am going to get up early and  make an egg sandwich sounds delicous right on whole grain bread YUM...

I'm trying to eat a lot healthier but it's hard when everyone else really doesn't want to eat healthy as well.. Even though i am eating home made soup 

I hope that my mom has a great time up in Door County and that she deserves a break. From cleaning our house to dealing with Katie and I and just all the things that happen in life. 

I have been trying to stay positive in all the things that have happened in the recent weeks. 
I've been a lot happier and more in tune with what I can and can not do... I mean yes I've had a couple set backs recently but I am making the best of it. 

I am apologyzing for the long tedious blogs.. I am trying to make up for being lazy about these.  :-) I hope you all enjoy your Tuesday..
 Enjoy this beautiful Fall Weather. I took a walk outside on my way to go work out because it's a 10 min walk to the sports place on campus. I just walked and took some pictures of fall and listened to music, and I have to say I LOVE FALL . I loved how relaxed I felt and that the beauty of the changing leaves brought a new admiration for the season. yes it might be cold and what not but It don't bug me .. Bundle up and just take a moment to breathe and take in the scene. 

Everybody has a Dark SIde

So this weekend was my best friends Bachelorette party. And I couldn't go . I had school things that need to be taken care of and then I have the dreaded midterms...Yeah they like to pop up quickly... I kind of wished that I had the money to go down south and what not but only dreaming right.  

So I am sitting here taking a break from studying because I just really need to clear my head.. 
I am listening to Kelly Clarkson's DarkSide right now. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing... But I feel it's like my life right now at least certain things. 

I am usually not a person who can express her feelings openly because really I am at that point of who will really listen?

I try to grasp the concept of nobody is perfect and that somethings will never change. But really change is what you need in life. Am i right ? 

I am happy that Geoffrey has moved on to someone better, but I still feel as though a little betrayed because yes we are friends and everything. I just wished I didn't find out through social media , but hey that is life right? 

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I did I got to see my trombone buddy play his senior recital I couldn't be any prouder. 
We've come along way  since our freshman year..

I"ve grown up a lot more I've become a better trombone player with some bumps in the middle. I feel as though just there is something that has changed in with the last two years . I feel as though there are days where yes I can do it to no I can't. But I still trudge through. 

That is what I am good at .. being able to just move on even if it hurts the people that I love or that it just has to happen for my own sanity..  because I need to be able to just be ok with everything even though it may be crumbling around me. 

I hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend.. 

Grumbles....

I'm very tired today!
Of course I didn't get enough sleep last night because mom decided to not take care of herself again during the night.

I'm sorry if I am sounding selfish or not caring , but I am at that point of I need a little help with taking care of mom. Ok I understand that yes she can't help it. But that is just an excuse!!!
My sister and I shouldn't be the parent of the household we are supposed to be the kids. Yet it's been like this for the last 10 years since my father passed. It's like we have to drop everything and help. My aunt even said that We shouldn't have to be taking care of her. She needs to learn to do that herself. She is becoming dependent on the two of you to always be there. 

We need to move on and move out and what not. I am sorry but there are days where I don't know how much more I can take. There is always going to be that worry and nervousness but it shouldn't ruin my life that much. 

Idk what else to do about it. other than still be her caregiver yet I am not a nurse or I don't know much about medical stuff because I haven't studied medical things. 

I've been in such an uplifting mood!!!

I LOVE where my mood has been going this week. It all started on Saturday after high Tea at my cousins bridal shower. 

I've gotten a lot of compliments on my dress that I wore which for me I felt weird in because normally I am a nice pants type and nice shirt girl. NO dresses! 

Saturday night I spent some time with my mom at dinner even if it was just at portillos because we were still kind of full from high tea.

I then spent most of my time at my friend Cara's house because she was pretty down this past week with things thrown in her way. Trust me I've dealt with that a lot this year and last. 

So we just spent the night talking with her friend Bre and then Diego came over after getting off of work at the hospital. 

It was really nice to finally meet him because we've been talking a lot on the phone to help cara out. 

We sat talking in my drive way til 2 A.M.  I have to say that it was the best time of my life. We both had some similarities like music and he is a nurse and wants to be a doctor, my mom wants to be a nurse and is a medical assistant. 

His music is so important to him and he is incredible . my jaw drop when I heard a recording. 

That doesn't happen all the time with me, but damn. lol .Diego mix.

Granted yes I've had a couple relationships in the past that never worked out in the end because of the differences in where we were going. 

This one feels so different.  I feel as though I can confide in him with my mom and he know's that sometimes I can't  always be strong and there to not live my life how I want too. I am truly greatful for my friend to at least try to get us set up. 

I don't know if I want to be in a relationship at this point but will see what happens it will pretty much be whatever happens happens. 
 I feel as though he just broke through that barrier for me that is huge because I put this wall up for everyone and that I hide myself from the world just because I've been hurt way to much and that If I even stepped out I would just be back in that lonely space. I really never want to go back.

Have I really been shut out to what everyone else see's in me  because I am too worried about what others thought because I over reacted . 

Maybe this is something that I need to live on with my life and get my life back in order. Maybe that all this drastic change in my life so suddenly .

Like I've been doing while typing on my blog  is that I over think while I type  and I maybe over thinking by a lot. 

I wish anyone of you can give me some insight on what you think is best or I should say advice. I like the sound of Advice better. 

I hope everyone is having a positive Wednesday . 

Love you all 

Mary Kay Bozec 

Successful Day

Today has been a real successful day for me. It started out really cold it was 39 degrees at 645 A.M. 
But I love Fall. Fall I feel is the best season, all the colors changing and bonfires boots sweaters long walks on the trails crunching leaves. Over Joy. That and coffee. Love Coffee I am not addicted. Thank the Lord for that one. 

Trombone lesson went great I 've gotten this Etude last week and I passed it today . For Reals I was so excited because usually It will be two lessons after I originally get it to be perfect with minor mistakes. 
I was truly grateful.

Voice lesson was hilarious because he gave me a new piece that has a lot of vocal runs and I said are you kidding me Joe . REALLY. But I actually can do it it's just a little difficult at the moment. Also it's in Italian which i really enjoy that language . it's one of my favorites languages to sing in other than English.

So Saturday I was celebrating my Cousin bridal shower. We went to the drake for High Tea. I have to say it was a really cool experience.  We had tea and finger sandwiches. The hotel was beyond Gorgeous I was floored when i walked in. But also felt as if I was out of place. Weird right.

Anyways I came home to go and hang out with some of my friends and my friend decided to have Diego come over after work. Which we all had a great time. We just sat around my friends house talking and having a pillow fight yes like we were in middle school. It was an awesome way to relieve stress and get all happy again. Vandercook life outside of school really stresses us out. But we deal with it and it's like ok we can do this. 

Sunday I had work after  getting home at 2 A.M. Time flies when you are having fun. 

But trying to get up for work when you work at 8 A.M. ha not fun. But I was so energized that it made the time go by so much faster by the time I looked at the clock it was 3 O' Clock. Which i have to say was pretty good because I had to practice and catch up on homework and sleep and everything else a college student goes through. 

Well time for me to get back to the grind of this homework pile.

I hope you all had a great Monday. 

Finally feel like I'm back on my feet.

I'm not a 100% better but at least I don't feel like death!! I still have a raspy voice and sneezing occasionally . But I feel like I can make it through my day a lot better . My cat niko really loves my bed because I've come home to him sleeping on my bed. He doesn't like it when I come home because it means that he has to get down. I dj t mind having my cat on my bed he can sleep there all he wants.

The last picture I don't know if I want to do that for my hair for my best friends wedding. It looks cute but I'm still looking . I can't wait til she Mary's her best friend. It's going to be great I have my MOH speech down to 2:30 seconds which is great. Short and sweet . That's all for today .

Oh before I forget we had jazz harmony this morning and we had to make up a blues name

Mine is curvaceous big mama mango taylor haha good times !

So much sneezing

I have no idea if i am sick or just have allergies. But I've been sick for the last two days and it is really running me ragged.

I want to stay home tomorrow to just sleep it off because I feel as though that might help out a bit because of not really sleeping that well. 

I can't hear being a musician and that is very key when you are playing an instrument and singing!

I am making the best of it . drinking  a lot of fluids and the medicine that I am taking doesn't seem to work. So I think it might be best to take a sick day and just rest and may feel a lot better for thursday. 

what do you think?

30 hours of hell

This weekend  with working at my job and then helping my mom sister and Aunt clean our whole house.

Phew are we all exhausted...

diningroom organized with boxes for garage 

sorry for dark picture but our living room cleaned

laundry room where we can now step into with out knocking over something 

There is still more that needs to be done but from where we started holy cow there is a huge difference .

my room is still a little messy but that's because i have boxes all over and they need to go into the garage for storage before i can finish cleaning otherwise i have a cleaned room and a closet .. with no doors BUT i have a closet. 


My aunt and i are going to go look for a new wardrobe or at least get some basics that can be turned into 10-20 outfits ! which i need to start.. 
 Yay for a new me. 


I don't know if in my last blog I told you guys that my friend is setting me up with one of her friends. I don't know if I want to be set up just yet.

i have more pictures to show you please have a seat if you are not already sitting. 

Proof that I am in a dress ! It was really weird to be wearing a dress because normally I don't like wearing a dress. 

My twin buddy and I at school in our basement! yes our school has a basement. 

Different color in the background what do you think? 

I am always afraid to wear clothes that fit because of the many judgmental people that we have around this school and world. But really aren't we all sometimes judgmental towards one another. 

I agree that I am sometimes judgmental.

I've really come a long way in my thought process towards others and that sometimes you don't need to please everybody because, if you do then you will be unhappy all of your life. Am I right? 

But I hope you all had a fantastic weekend and that you are enjoying your Monday.

Two hours of sleep and still going strong!!

I miss Blogging

I wanted to separate these two different blogs just because it's a completely different topic and topics.

So my one friend from school is trying to set me up with a guy because she thinks that we are perfect for each other. Sometimes I wish that people wouldn't set me up.. 
granted he is cute. But can he understand what my life is really like.. 
that's what i am nervous about. I am nervous for what he will see in my life that I've had to hide to just make it a little easier.
My life is not easy and yet I'm pretty sure that everybody's life is not easy. otherwise it would be a perfect and boring life.

I've had to grow up at a young age because my dad was sick with cancer when I was 14 years old. When he died my sister and I had to grow up at a very young age. Lately I've been taking care of my mom even if it's just during the night when I get home from classes. 12-15 hours a day i am at school becoming a music teacher that will help me support my life. I am not saying that my mom is trying to ruin my life. Because she's not it's just making it hard for me to go out because something always happens and i get called home to get her back to normal.
I've slept at least 3-5 hours a night for 2 weeks straight. It's starting to get the best of me. 
I really need someone to just say Hey it's going to be ok and that YOU need to be happy for who you are. 
I've never had a person tell me that you are so strong and that yes you have a hard life but you are making the best with what you have and that I am proud of you. 
this will come in handy .

I am going to take the plunge and see if this might work. I do have my doubts about it but I have to try right . I mean even if it ends up being just friends I can be ok with that. 

What do you all think? 

Remembering 9-11

I know that most of you are hurting with 9-11 . I know all those people didn't want to die. Just please live your life to the fullest don't take anything for granted.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was in 7th grade and was in symphonic band at Prarie View and it was just like any other day. I went back to Grissom to go to my science class where i walked in and saw the Tv was on and we all sat down while our teacher was talking to us. He said that this was in New York I felt sick to my stomach. 

I felt as though why would anyone want to do this to people who didn't deserve to die.

 

Sometimes I never know what to think?

 Sometimes I never know what to think?

There are times I wonder how do I really look towards someone?

Am I really that naive that I just don't know what others truly see? 

It's like I'm walking into oncoming traffic and being hit by a bus. 

I guess you can say that I am a hard critique for myself. I've had many failed attempts in relationships and I really can't put my finger onto why? 

I understand that yeah I get busy with school and home and work , and rarely have little social time because I spend so many hours doing other things that need to be taken care of. 

Maybe it's because I am not trying hard enough. Maybe I push people away. I don't know ..

That or maybe I am thinking too much into it... 
oh well... I hope your having a great Wednesday

All that hard work just gone in a flash!

So I've been working my butt off to get to graduate school and become a music teacher. Yet that stupid TAP test gets in the way. I am not saying that I am dumb or anything ,but I just can't take a standarized test. I've always had that issue even when I was little.

I've had things come into my path with friends dying , and moms health and surgeries , etc... I've overcome so much in the last two years that I am surprised I am still standing today. I have been so greatfull for everyone that has been a part of my life. Yes I've had people run out of my life that I at least thought would still be there yet that never happens. 
I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Tomorrow my family and I will be at Soldiers Field to watch NIU get creamed by Iowa Hawkeyes Unless NIU will win but we never know. 
Over all it will be a great day and something that will get my mind off of all this stuff going on. 

I also have a date on Sunday. Sometimes I feel like it's too soon to date because I did just get out of a relationship, but really we never lost anything in the process we are still friends and it will always be like that. Which I am ok with. Will see how Sunday goes .. then Its off on Monday where most of the day will be spent on working on my homework. 

My body decides to really hate me this week. I think its because of being so stressed out. I have a lot of muscle knots in my shoulders and it's becoming very difficult to play my trombone and guitar .. Hope i can last two 50 mins class in a row.. then an hour in twenty break. So will hopefully I can be able to play later today. It even hurts to breathe. Well having tendonitis in my ankles , knees, back spasms, knots in my shoulders, TMJ. What else can my body do to me.

Spent the weekend with my friends

This weekend was a busy one!! my best friend had her bridal shower on Saturday and It was really fun, I felt like everyone was having a great time. I got to see some of my friends from high school who I haven't seen in five years.. It was a nice way to spend a Saturday. On Sunday I worked on my pile of homework from the first week of school I had majority done and then my friend Shatoria came down from Chicago and visited me because she misses our  hang outs even if it was to work on homework. Overall great weekend. 

Now it's just getting my mother to keep her diabetes in check!!! my body would greatly appreciate it! I've been sleeping only 2-3 hours of sleep each night because I feel as though her sugar is just going to plumet. I hate that feeling I want to live my life worry free about my mom because yes I love her and all, but this is getting to the point of where my sister and I have to take turns baby sitting her . my sister and I are 26 and 25. We shouldn't be dealing with this at an early age. I am still in college and spend at least 11- 12 hours a day at good ole VanderCook. I now drive to school instead of taking the train because then I really don't have to wait for a train that will not get me home in time. My sister and I are starting to lose our patience with her and her constant yelling at the two of us for using her emergency shots. OK when her sugar is at 20 and can't talk to us or sometimes breathe (yeah that happens) It's scary to see yet we've been through it so much that we are used to it. Others on the outside wonder how we can deal with this all the time.  It's the same thing we are just used to it. Because we have to be. But Katie and I really want to start moving out and living on our own and get a full time job once we get some money saved up. But we never can because  we have to take care of mom. 

I've stopped dating or going out and being social it's a rare time when I am out with my friends and or going on a date. My phones always on me either in my clutch or pocket and I feel terrible for looking at my phone but I always have that feeling that something is happening.
I want to have a guy that understands all of this. I am so lost half of the time I just want there to be someone who says "hey its going to be ok" I want to feel safe and relaxed. Not stressed out and exhaustion and tensed. Is there anyone out there....


I hope everyone has a great Monday and that nothing will ever put you in a bad mood. Always smile because you never know who will fall  in love with that smile. 

Love you all 

Mary Kay