Hello blog land, I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. Today was my only day off and I spent majority of it in one of the parks at disney and then the rain decided to come by. Lets just say that was fun walking into.
Anyways I wrote a letter that will probably never be sent to the guy who cheated, but now after all this time I'm finally finding the closure and taking the high road.
I know that over all he will never see this letter either, and I don't care. So here goes nothing.
To The guy who decided to cheat,
I may not know what was going through your head when you decided to cheat not once but twice, and I may never know why besides it was a "mistake."
We use the word "mistake." a lot in our lives because one we are all human and we do make "mistakes." That is what life is all about in the end we make "mistakes." and we learn from them.
I really hadn't come to terms of why you had to cheat on me and realizing the hurt and anger that came along and the self loathing because I thought that I could of done something different or was it me not being around enough? It broke me down to the point I thought I'd never regain who I was. I know that you didn't think to realize that your actions speak louder then words.
I know how torn up it would make the other person feel if they found out that their significant other had cheated on them with someone else Of all people you'd understand, even though I am not proud of what I'd had done what happened between us when you were dating another women and you cheated on her with me , yes that was a "mistake." A "mistake." that tore me up inside and ultimately knew it was wrong, but you waited and waited to tell her, when I kept saying that you should be honest and not wait to tell her. I know that it's not an easy task and didn't go well in the end.
I am on the road to forgiveness and this has been a long road to begin with, but I've been picking up the pieces . My trust in others, self esteem, and overall moving forward with my life.
When I decided to move to a different state It wasn't to get away from my problems and or run away in general it was to regain who I needed to be for me. I've lost myself after you cheated and I had to regain that women who I once was eager driven, kind, and put others first before myself. I'm better off without the past haunting me, and I have you to thank for showing me what not to look forward in a man. I am and always be a women who generally loves too much and I deserve better. I overcame this and can overcome anything thrown into my path it's having the strength to move on and let it all fall into place where it needs to be.
Sincerely,
The Girl you cheated on.
I feel as though I am going through this transitioning period, where I am not quite having an out of body experience , but wouldn't that be a creepy experience. But I've finally am dwindling down too the last day of my little mini vacation and I have to say that it was nice to one not be at disney even though we went to disney yesterday but it was to return something and then we just went to dinner and then back to my neighbors to sit outside and relax. I actually got some sun which is always a good sign.
I went back to work last night after having three days off in a row and I have to say that I missed the people I worked with even though I see them almost everyday. It was a super short shift last night and just over all a tiring one I guess it goes to show how tired you feel working late at night. But hey it was good to be back.
So It's been eight months since I've left what I had called home for the last 26 years of my natural born life. And at first I thought a lot about can I do this ?? I was so scared about starting over and in a new place, but I've come to realize that I've done a lot better for myself. I got a job within a month of being in Florida, got a new place to live which will be so much better in the end. I've become full time for the first time in a long time I even get insurance through the company. So I have to say that God has a way of working out his plans for me So thank you Lord for giving me the strength to keep going when things get tough and trust me I've had a lot to deal with mom being sick. I've made new friends and colleagues and even reconnected with some friends that I rarely talked to.
I found this quote that just made me stop and think and I wanted to share it with you here. "Maybe the journey isn't so mucg about becoming anything.Maybe it's unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were mean't to be in the first place."
I couldn't agree more on this quote I was going on a journey that I didn't think that was a good path for me, and being so far away from the people that were I guess the plague or bad inspirations I've realized that I'm better then that I have a good life.
I know that some people still will think that I am a child because that was the time that they saw me "grow up" and I have to say that they think that they know how to take care of someone just by not being there everyday. I know I am here everyday taking care of my mom cleaning up the house and packing and working 50 hours a week and only having one day off a week to just reboot.
These people think whats better for me is to find a man and I keep saying it will happen when it happens and to not rush into something that you might not be ready for to begin with.
This is my transitioning time to find out exactly what I want to do with my life I know that there will be all these side roads that will take me off the beaten path , but isn't that what an adventure is for and just be along for the ride?
Be nice to people and I will be back after we move to our new place.
