6 days having no voice

All right so this week has been a pure bust for me, I have been nothing but sick this week. I had  no voice for 6 days !!!! thats really hard when you work at a job where you actually have to talk. YIKES, it was really rough ,but I got through it with only taking one day off. I finally got my voice back tonight as I am typing out this blog. I figured that it was God trying to tell me that maybe instead of just sitting and sulking to go out and do something about it. Well lets just say that I lived my life as much as I could and talked less or didn't even talk at all. All I can say is that I survived.

So I went to church not intending to sing, which I didn't sing at all, but I felt so distant from the Lord, I didn't feel that satisfaction, that inner most peace that I normally get when I go to church. Does that make me a bad christian? I don't think so, I think that when I sing even though I know there are people out there who are better singers then I , doesn't mean that I can't sing to the lord and my dad, If it's what brings me peace every weekend and to feel the spirit then I know that is what I have to do. I'm sorry if I am sounding whats the word "preachy" I don't mean to be . 

So I am thinking about changing my hair again! I've had shoulder length hair for about a year , and I am thinking of doing a pixie cut or what they call it as a long pixie cut . I'm excited to try it out, but I am waiting until after my friends weddings, because then I don't have to worry about styling my hair. 

Have a great day/night depending on when my blogging community is reading this.

4 days to post this post!

I've come to realize that there are things that happen for a reason. In which case is what happens in the best and worst possible times, but you have to keep a smile on your face because everything will turn out fine.

Many people wonder when their life is going to start yet when they realize that they are living their life they just wish it was better, it is you that has to change your life no one else can do it for you. I love my life and where it has been going YesI know breaking off an engagement is a huge deal, but when both of us decided that it was better to be friends. It was a mutual grown up agreement. I know that generally many would be heartbroken about not being married. All I have to say is that we are not heartbroken because we are still in each others lives and would rather be friends. Sometimes in the end there are things that will work out you just need to have some faith.

I've been trying to write this post at least for the last couple of days, but with being sick and working I've been overly tired. I know many people out there probably think I'm crazy for ending something that was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Yes I may be a little upset, but in the end it was had to be done to further our happiness and what is left of it. 

I know that most of my blogs on here are kind of crazy, but did you ever think that maybe sometimes its an outlet to feel as though there is someone out there that is maybe going through the same thing maybe not right at this moment ,but sometime later in life.  I know many people probably don't read this blog and that is ok. I can just have my outlet and be fine with the very few followers that I have. 

I am happy as a clam I guess that's a good way of putting it, I have a loving family, who sometimes drives me insane, but they are still my family. I have wonderful friends who I get to spend time with even if it's for 5 minutes of the day. I have a working job that granted I really hate during the holidays because the customers seem very rude , I guess it's because of the greed that everyone deserves a present for Christmas. Can I just say it's not about the presents , it's about spending time with the people that you love! Presents are just objects that people will get over in a couple months or never rarely use, it's just t  about the deals and more deals , and to see how much they can get off of a certain product. Where is all the compassion and Love for the holidays. To all the retail and fast food workers out there THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILIES TO BE AROUND TIL THE LAST MINUTE ON CHRISTMAS EVE. From a fellow fast food employee!

after 4 days of trying to get this blog post posted  here goes nothing. 


Happy Holidays from my family to yours

A relaxing Sunday getting lost in another world.

This week with it being the holidays have been a rough week. With having to work on Thanksgiving, because they needed extra people. and then having to come back and open at 2:30 A.M. wasn't really how I wanted to spend my time on the holiday.

Other then that I had a good holiday , with a few bumps and bruises along the way and misconceptions of who I can really can call my friends. 

It also doesn't help that everything around me either is happing that is good or bad. I know that God works in mysterious ways , but when is it just enough on one person? I've had my share of bad news over and over again with loosing students and what not and yeah maybe not having a better job to support myself, but hey at least I have a job and it does pay the bills. 

I know that there are somedays where you can be hard on yourself and then getting up the next day and saying enough is enough! I know most of my family isn't real keen on the idea of me getting married, but it's the one thing that is constant and keeping me going while we live so far apart. It sucks but it's what drives me to be a better person . 

I've been hounded on by my one friend because she is getting married too , a year before I do which I have to say doesn't bug me , but when she is constantly antagonizing me about how this relationship is a joke and that I deserve better , and that Steven is a joke and that my dad wouldn't approve of it. Ok first of lay off the whole dad wouldn't approve ? he's not alive anymore he died 11 years ago last Sunday, I understand her concern, but the constantly bullying me and saying your ruining your life and that your dad wouldn't want you like this . In all honesty I feel as pretty shallow. I am in her wedding because of being long time friends ,when we rarely ever talk and if we do talk its about the mistakes that I am making or have made. I really don't want to be around someone who will just keep doing that. Not to mention that sometimes I do talk about music and it's something like this " Each artist/musician has there way of performing a classic as for instance "The Sound of Music" , and I get an eye roll from her and her mom. Ok I'm sorry for giving my two sense.

I don't know maybe I'm just going crazy. Or that I've lived in a bubble for so long that I'm starting to see who I really want to be in my life. 

It'a been a long week and I spent all day reading a book I must say I actually finished that book. That includes taking some time away from the book