Catching up blog day !!!

So I haven't really been blogging a lot. A lot has happened in the last couple days that I really haven't been able to put into words .

Hard to do sometimes but it's ok . I hope you all had a good time this weekend if you were celebrating Halloween early.

Happy Halloween everyone !
I've been in the greatest mood when I am not home with my family. Is that weird to be more happier away from your family . No idea about that .

Anyways I hope you all have a great day

cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing

I have to say when you don't look for something and it shows up right in your face and is like HEY HERE I AM... when you are looking for something it doesn't show up or you miss it completely...
Ever get the feeling? I just had that feeling this past week. My friend steven and I have been friends for a year in a half. We are both musicians but he lives in Florida but moved up here  to study music education at VanderCook. We decided to go out on Tuesday. We went to the zoo and the cemetery (for me ) because I havent seen my dad and twin sister and grandparents in a while. He didn't mind the cemetery that much which i am greatful for .. 

I have to say it was a great day . I felt normal I felt as though I don't have to prove anything or be anything that I am not. I got to know him a lot more and he got to know me a lot more.. I have to say that I've had feelings for him for a while.. like when school started. this year. I felt as though he did too for a while , but sometimes when you flirt with someone that doesn't mean that they like you ...  which is true.

I don't feel stressed out I feel happier all the time I can't stop smiling even when he isn't around. When he is around I smile even more.  When he gives me a hug I feel as though I am home and safe and that I don't have to worry or if I am worrying about something it just disappears.. I also love that we can not always talk but we still acknowledge each other. It's always nice to have some kind of silence. 

Is this really normal to feel so sudden? I mean it shouldn't really matter as long as its a healthy relationship. 

Fall Break is over :-( Back to the grind !!

I've had a real great break. It was busy with working on the 4 projects my teachers decided to give us during midterms week.

I got to go to the zoo on Tuesday with Steven. I have to say it was the best time I had in a while.  

I didn't have to worry about watching mom or taking care of her I was so relaxed and It was super nice. It was a nice day out it wasn't too cold or hot. 

I also got to see my nieces on Friday because I havent seen them in a while they are just so adorable. pictures to follow ..  when i get them off of my phone. 

My cousin is finally married to her now husband Andy. 
Congrats to the both of them. 

I'm ready for another break. lol Is that bad to say. 
Anyways my mom was christmas shopping for me earlier this week. There is a camera store that is going out of business and she was getting another lens for her camera which makes about 4 lens. But she was debating on either a guitar for me or a camera. So she bought me a new professional camera. Which was pretty cheap for the place going out of business. Now to try to find another good camera store that they actually know what they are talking about. will be hard. 

Mom and I are getting excited for thanksgiving this year. We are going to see Chicago Symphony Orchestra (CSO) play the works of Fantasia. Talk about being excited I have only heard them once in a short concert but never a long concert and this will be fun. I can't wait. 

I hope you all enjoy your Monday 

something I never do

Generally I am a private person when it comes to certain things because at times I never know what others will think. 

I've been writing a lot of songs/poems and sometimes I just loose inspiration and what not. It always happens with a musician but you can always go back and it will draw you in ..

well I really want to share it with the blogger world because I feel there are things that a lot of you really don't understand me that well. I also want to step out of my comfort zone and be able to share something and not regret it. Well here it goes this is a work in progress. It's not finished 

 let me know what you thing 

It's hard waiting in a light that never moves 

It's time to start making your own rules 

you have to scream till there is nothing left 

cause here I am waiting in a light that never moves

It's time to start making your own rules 

I am tired of waiting in the shadows

for a light that will never be there. 

My hair is getting longer again.. the top picture was from 8 weeks ago. before i cut it 

the bottom is a recent picture.. of how long it is now..

Hope everyone enjoys their Mondays 

don't run away

I am so happy that it is Fall Break.. I really need this break from school. Yet I always miss everyone because we are such a tight knit group. But also you need that break because usually with being a tight knit group you get on everyones nerves. 

I've been working on my projects today. I am not even close to being done I've gotten 7 pages out of 19 for one project...
I have to be at work all day tomorrow , but it will hopefully go fast usually it does... because we tend to get busy before church and after church because everyone wants to go somewhere cheap for breakfast.

I'm ready to just sleep and be happy. I was so positive a couple weeks ago. That seemed to disappear real quick.. I wish it didn't but sometimes it has to disappear for a while and then come back.

I've really have never been a keen eye for people noticing them and what not because I feel as though i've been so school driven and been a caregiver for so long. That i've really put my life on hold beside going to school and working. I don't really prioritize going out and what not because I feel as though if i go out it will be like i cant go far because of taking care of mom. I'm not saying that mom doesn't take care of herself sometimes she can't help it.

Sometimes i don't know how much more I can do to take care of her. My body emotions and stamina are so far gone.. that I don't know how long it will be to pick up the pieces. 


I'm ready for just someone to hear me out. for once and not feel as though they care for a couple weeks and then not the rest of the time. My heart has been through way to much to bare any more agony.

Thats all for now..
Love you all 
enjoy your Saturday night

Tomorrow should be better than today

Generally, I can be the one who will just brush something off and move on as if it didn't effect me. 

That's what I called life, Because " Let your smile change the world, but not have the world change your smile" .. Which is great advice if I must say... Yet I don't follow my own advice... Wish I would, but it sounds better for someone else. Right? 

But I am so tired of everyone thinking that I don't do anything... or being a responsible adult... Ok I am sorry for going to school 50 hours a week commuting back and forth everyday to Chicago, working on the weekends if school functions aren't taking up my whole time. I am sorry that I have to loose sleep over taking care of my mother at night when she needs it. I am sorry for loosing sleep in general because I have to work on projects. Ok So please don't tell me that I am irresponsible for my life and myself being an adult. Ok I am trying the damn best that I can . If you have anything other than that . Well really tell someone who cares because I as of right now don't really care for what you have to say. 

I hope everyone is enjoying there Friday... I can't wait for Fall break I need a break from school and some extra sleep because with midterms and barely getting any sleep makes me very cranky....
But hey that's life. 


love Mk 

Why don't you stay

Only One more midterm to go this week then it will be fall break where I get to work on two projects ..

I'm taking a break from studying so that way I can clear my head because I feel as though I've havent been functioning a lot because of all the studying.. 

My friend Tori and I have been working out the last three days because we want to better ourselves and be at a weight that we love.  Yesterday we were gonna go do some cardio and everything was taken. we have such a small fitness room that you have to go during certain times in order to get a machine. So instead we tried ZUMBA.. 

I have very little dance expierence at least in salsa dancing because that is what Zumba kind of is... But I had the best time I was laughing and dancing and just forgetting everything that was going on and just did something for myself.. I don't remember the last time i've really done that. 

I felt so much better about everything. That even if i can't make something happen then just let it be whatever it is. Because getting it your own doesn't work in general . Just enjoy life. After all of that I've felt more relaxed ... 

well that is all for right now because I have to go to band rehearsal... MIDWEST here we come...


Love you all 

Day 2 workout and enjoying the fall weather.

I've been very busy studying for midterms. I can not wait for fall break next week.

My cousins wedding is a week from Saturday .. She is getting pretty excited I am getting excited to see everybody and to have a break from life in general...

My mother left for door county this morning. I know the animals will be lagging without mom because they sleep with mom. Which means that they will be bugging me through out the day... 

I barely slept last night moms new pump system kept me up most of the night because the alarm just goes off when it's high and or if it can't find the signal for it I was ready to chuck it across the room because I don't mind having it but having it go off every other hour was driving me crazy.. I just wanted to sleep...

Today was my second work out and i did 5 miles today on bike because of my joints and I did it in 21 mins... I am pretty proud of myself .. I also did a lot of abs today too. That was what killed me ... But I have to say that If i didn't work out today I wouldn't want to keep doing it. Usually takes two weeks to do it.. or at least to keep in up.. 

I'm pretty proud of myself.  I even as a treat got myself an apple from the convience store on campus and it was delicous.. 
Now for tomorrow I am going to get up early and  make an egg sandwich sounds delicous right on whole grain bread YUM...

I'm trying to eat a lot healthier but it's hard when everyone else really doesn't want to eat healthy as well.. Even though i am eating home made soup 

I hope that my mom has a great time up in Door County and that she deserves a break. From cleaning our house to dealing with Katie and I and just all the things that happen in life. 

I have been trying to stay positive in all the things that have happened in the recent weeks. 
I've been a lot happier and more in tune with what I can and can not do... I mean yes I've had a couple set backs recently but I am making the best of it. 

I am apologyzing for the long tedious blogs.. I am trying to make up for being lazy about these.  :-) I hope you all enjoy your Tuesday..
 Enjoy this beautiful Fall Weather. I took a walk outside on my way to go work out because it's a 10 min walk to the sports place on campus. I just walked and took some pictures of fall and listened to music, and I have to say I LOVE FALL . I loved how relaxed I felt and that the beauty of the changing leaves brought a new admiration for the season. yes it might be cold and what not but It don't bug me .. Bundle up and just take a moment to breathe and take in the scene. 

Everybody has a Dark SIde

So this weekend was my best friends Bachelorette party. And I couldn't go . I had school things that need to be taken care of and then I have the dreaded midterms...Yeah they like to pop up quickly... I kind of wished that I had the money to go down south and what not but only dreaming right.  

So I am sitting here taking a break from studying because I just really need to clear my head.. 
I am listening to Kelly Clarkson's DarkSide right now. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing... But I feel it's like my life right now at least certain things. 

I am usually not a person who can express her feelings openly because really I am at that point of who will really listen?

I try to grasp the concept of nobody is perfect and that somethings will never change. But really change is what you need in life. Am i right ? 

I am happy that Geoffrey has moved on to someone better, but I still feel as though a little betrayed because yes we are friends and everything. I just wished I didn't find out through social media , but hey that is life right? 

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I did I got to see my trombone buddy play his senior recital I couldn't be any prouder. 
We've come along way  since our freshman year..

I"ve grown up a lot more I've become a better trombone player with some bumps in the middle. I feel as though just there is something that has changed in with the last two years . I feel as though there are days where yes I can do it to no I can't. But I still trudge through. 

That is what I am good at .. being able to just move on even if it hurts the people that I love or that it just has to happen for my own sanity..  because I need to be able to just be ok with everything even though it may be crumbling around me. 

I hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend.. 

Grumbles....

I'm very tired today!
Of course I didn't get enough sleep last night because mom decided to not take care of herself again during the night.

I'm sorry if I am sounding selfish or not caring , but I am at that point of I need a little help with taking care of mom. Ok I understand that yes she can't help it. But that is just an excuse!!!
My sister and I shouldn't be the parent of the household we are supposed to be the kids. Yet it's been like this for the last 10 years since my father passed. It's like we have to drop everything and help. My aunt even said that We shouldn't have to be taking care of her. She needs to learn to do that herself. She is becoming dependent on the two of you to always be there. 

We need to move on and move out and what not. I am sorry but there are days where I don't know how much more I can take. There is always going to be that worry and nervousness but it shouldn't ruin my life that much. 

Idk what else to do about it. other than still be her caregiver yet I am not a nurse or I don't know much about medical stuff because I haven't studied medical things.