All that hard work just gone in a flash!

So I've been working my butt off to get to graduate school and become a music teacher. Yet that stupid TAP test gets in the way. I am not saying that I am dumb or anything ,but I just can't take a standarized test. I've always had that issue even when I was little.

I've had things come into my path with friends dying , and moms health and surgeries , etc... I've overcome so much in the last two years that I am surprised I am still standing today. I have been so greatfull for everyone that has been a part of my life. Yes I've had people run out of my life that I at least thought would still be there yet that never happens. 
I'm really looking forward to this weekend. Tomorrow my family and I will be at Soldiers Field to watch NIU get creamed by Iowa Hawkeyes Unless NIU will win but we never know. 
Over all it will be a great day and something that will get my mind off of all this stuff going on. 

I also have a date on Sunday. Sometimes I feel like it's too soon to date because I did just get out of a relationship, but really we never lost anything in the process we are still friends and it will always be like that. Which I am ok with. Will see how Sunday goes .. then Its off on Monday where most of the day will be spent on working on my homework. 

My body decides to really hate me this week. I think its because of being so stressed out. I have a lot of muscle knots in my shoulders and it's becoming very difficult to play my trombone and guitar .. Hope i can last two 50 mins class in a row.. then an hour in twenty break. So will hopefully I can be able to play later today. It even hurts to breathe. Well having tendonitis in my ankles , knees, back spasms, knots in my shoulders, TMJ. What else can my body do to me.

Spent the weekend with my friends

This weekend was a busy one!! my best friend had her bridal shower on Saturday and It was really fun, I felt like everyone was having a great time. I got to see some of my friends from high school who I haven't seen in five years.. It was a nice way to spend a Saturday. On Sunday I worked on my pile of homework from the first week of school I had majority done and then my friend Shatoria came down from Chicago and visited me because she misses our  hang outs even if it was to work on homework. Overall great weekend. 

Now it's just getting my mother to keep her diabetes in check!!! my body would greatly appreciate it! I've been sleeping only 2-3 hours of sleep each night because I feel as though her sugar is just going to plumet. I hate that feeling I want to live my life worry free about my mom because yes I love her and all, but this is getting to the point of where my sister and I have to take turns baby sitting her . my sister and I are 26 and 25. We shouldn't be dealing with this at an early age. I am still in college and spend at least 11- 12 hours a day at good ole VanderCook. I now drive to school instead of taking the train because then I really don't have to wait for a train that will not get me home in time. My sister and I are starting to lose our patience with her and her constant yelling at the two of us for using her emergency shots. OK when her sugar is at 20 and can't talk to us or sometimes breathe (yeah that happens) It's scary to see yet we've been through it so much that we are used to it. Others on the outside wonder how we can deal with this all the time.  It's the same thing we are just used to it. Because we have to be. But Katie and I really want to start moving out and living on our own and get a full time job once we get some money saved up. But we never can because  we have to take care of mom. 

I've stopped dating or going out and being social it's a rare time when I am out with my friends and or going on a date. My phones always on me either in my clutch or pocket and I feel terrible for looking at my phone but I always have that feeling that something is happening.
I want to have a guy that understands all of this. I am so lost half of the time I just want there to be someone who says "hey its going to be ok" I want to feel safe and relaxed. Not stressed out and exhaustion and tensed. Is there anyone out there....


I hope everyone has a great Monday and that nothing will ever put you in a bad mood. Always smile because you never know who will fall  in love with that smile. 

Love you all 

Mary Kay 

Senior year of College has finally started

So I just recently started my last year at VanderCook College of Music and I have to say where did the time go???? 

I feel as though it was yesterday when I had gotten my acceptance letter. and took my first new steps as a music educator. Crazy Crazy .. 
I hope everyone is have a great Wednesday I can't believe that it's already Wednesday . So much is going on this weekend I have my best friends Bridal shower which i am hoping that it will be a good one. 

I really hate that when the car won't start and your mom starts to complain about it's not my fault. 

But just wanted to give a blog shout out since I really haven't been around a lot lately ...

picture time.. this is the first time I've had my hair down for school in a while. 
Look how long it's been getting. AHHH excitement

Sometimes being friends is better

So today was an interesting day. Geoffrey and I decided to break up and just be friends. I think we function better as friends and who knows we
Might get back together . But being friends is a good things we are still in each others lives and everything so yeah short blog .

This month has gone by so fast

So  A lot has happened this month and I have to say that I haven't really blogged in a long time..

 So hello to old friends and new ones that come and visit my page. I know that there isn't much going on this page at this moment, but today I have a breather even though its at 12 A.M. But hey when you have the inspiration and wanting to blog while listening to party type music why not. 

So I know most of the time I say that I have a great boyfriend don't get me wrong he's great! But for me lately I've been feeling unhappy and I know it has to do with me because well it is. Anyways, I said to him that I needed a break from the relationship because I really need to find myself again because I'm not myself anymore. There has been such a change in who i am around him that i really don't know who i am anymore. We are remaining friends which I still want him in my life even if it just ends up us being friends. I feel as though that can be really civil because I'm not here to bash him down because he's done nothing wrong. 

Moms surgery went well if your joining this page for the first time, my mom had spinal surgery on her neck about 4 weeks ago.. which she is doing fine now. She is starting to eat solid foods and talking more and swallowing. But I wish her diabetes would be normal again so that way Katie and I can get back to a somewhat normal life. Yet if you really think about we haven't had a normal life since my dad died in 2002. Talk about growing up really fast. 

School starts up soon it will be a week from this Monday..

I still can't believe that it is starting up . I am a senior. WOW...

I've moved my senior recital to the spring semester because I had a lot of classes that I had to take to graduate.. so it will give me more time to prepare. 

My friends bridal shower is coming up and I know between everyone  can get everything done I just feel as though we still have so much to do, and I am worried that we won't be able to pull this all off..

Also I get my bridesmaid dress soon I had just gotten it altered a couple of weeks ago and I am excited to get it and actually have it in my hands. 

I'm just hoping that it will still fit come November .

Wow I didn't really realize how much I really had on my mind.. jeez I am sorry for the long post but This helps me vent and think without really venting off someone's head.. because it really isn't there fault... 

Been really busy

Today has been a long day but a good one my mood has been getting better . Geoffrey's and I's relationship is getting better. The thing is I don't know what changed. Maybe just everything who knows ... Moms doing a lot better after a week out of the hospital . Just 11 more weeks to go before she can get the neck brace off . She is a trooper . I hope everyone had a great day