Thursday Thoughts

My morning was really uneventful it's more of just getting up with little sleep as possible. I just love those kind of nights where you are so drained from the day and emotionally tired that you can fall asleep, but then you really don't. 

I've been nothing but crying at night because I'm giving my heart to heal. I feel as though that it's breaking down my wall at the same time. I also get these mixed feelings and that he really doesn't want to be with me. Even though two days ago he said he would wait.. I am so confused. 

I'm just going to wait it out because maybe with our recitals very close. That it might just be because we need to not be so stressed out. 

I know that this journey is hard and will keep getting harder, but I am afraid that he won't be there waiting and that He does care, but not enough. I know I shouldn't be so worried, and just let it pan out , but when I don't know the outcome and I don't think my heart can handle all this emotion. I guess you just need a couple days of pure depression before you can pick yourself up. 

Just think If I had thought this through we would be celebrating our 6 month on Tuesday. and not trying to act like friends because our emotions are still way past friends. I can feel it as that, but then again he is putting up his guard up. I can't stop tearing up even when I look at him my heart just drops into a million pieces and it takes so long to pick up the pieces .