There are demons that need to be ridden of my heart and mind

I really need to work on myself. Not just on the outside, but on the inside. I've been such a bitch lately and I overly hate it. I don't like the person I was and I've possibly ruined the rest of my future with the one person who could literally made me myself. Was I just to scared of what was happening that I had to ruin it. 

I wasn't thinking and I feel like I just lost the other half of me to the point I don't like the other half that I was with out him. I'm at that point of "Dear God Why am I such a stupid bitch".

 A fun picture from Saturday Night where I was the trombone holder for my friends. 

My Friend decided it would be a cool picture to use for my recital posters .

I don't think that I've cried that much for anyone. I swear he couldn't believe how much tears were coming and wouldn't stop. I'd stop for a little bit and then it would start again.
 He said that he was happy to see this side of me and that he realized that I didn't use my emotions when I did that to him. 

We talked for what seemed like hours. I am happy that he is back in my life even if we are just friends. I know I personally need to change and It's going to be a long road to recovery and where he will be able to trust me again. But I want to fight for it I want to be the one that goes to him at night with all smiles. I want to have his children. He really does make me extremely happy . I just hope he doesn't give up. 

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most". 
" I will always have this piece of my heart that will always smile when ever I think about you". 

" Never leave the person who understands you more than anyone else. Someone who can talk to about everything and will stand next to you even with your unwanted attitudes. Treasure the one that accepts and loves every bit of you ". 

I can't believe that I was just so stupid and didn't think there were other options. that just makes me more childish than anything Yes, I know I need to grow up more. 

I also knew that it was a sign that I really ruined it when my Irish ring broke around the band of it. I miss that ring, but that gives me the motivation that I  know I have to do better, and be a better person. 

I need to let go of the demons that haunt my life and make it better.  I believe over all I need to learn to love myself and Let everyone know that I love me for me and that I wouldn't change a thing about me. 

Today is a new day a fresh start and I am going to make it happen.