Who I am Today and how did I get this way? And what could I do better.

Yesterday I got to spend some time with one of my best friends from college. We both had the day off from work, and I was just walking around Epcot, because well I can! to have that access is still really weird to me, but she texted me and asked if I wanted to go with her to run an errand to the local music store, and said sure why not. Well this turned out to be a good night we went out to dinner which I paid because she drove it was only fair, after much fighting lol.. Then we decided to go see Fantasmic at Hollywood studios we got our fast passes and watched the 8:30 show. It overall was a good night that I needed, even though I was at work most of the time, which isn't that park really ,but I feel as though it would be anyones work. After that we drove back to her house, where my car was, and we took her dog out and was just talking, about life in general and how we got here , and what happened to the people who we thought were really close to us, but when you up and move 1200 miles away, they all seem to disappear.

I said that has happened to me a lot when I was on my way down to Florida, but I know I needed to do this ,because I wanted a change and I wanted to see what jobs were out there for me in a different state. becaue I've been trying so hard in Illinois to do better. Yet it kept getting fired back into my face. I know that there would be consequences that I know I can't control, and I've grown on that I physically can't control anything in life  besides who I am and what I am doing right at this very mintue. Which as you know is writing this blog post after taking the time to brainstorm in my blog notebook. Yes you read that correct, I keep a blog notebook, and I also have a little book of 300 writing prompts for the really hard days that I can't figure out what I want to write. 

So you can usually hear that saying of "you can count your best friends on one hand," yep it's remarkably true, I can count them on my one hand, and then I have my generic close friends who I talk to once in a blue moon or vicce versa . I know that when I made that decision back in November that I was going to Florida I really didn't have everything set in my life, it was constantly stuff going all wrong, and just constant arguments with loved ones over the dumbest things. I know that sometimes life isn't fair trust me I've had my fair share of them. But growing up into the women I am today I've come a long way. The many relationships with a significant other all the trials and errors, from cheating too. simply why am I even in this relationship. I know that when someone cheats you just kind of go on this rampage of anger, and I have to say that I wasn't really angry ,because it wasn't something that I could control from 1200 miles away, does it bring back all the trust issues and yes it will be in the back of my mind, but If you just believe in yourself and with the person you are with, and if they actually do the things that they say they will do, then maybe you are just starting to see what you are to become.

My transition here in Florida hasn't been an easy one, as you can tell in maybe recent posts, Sometimes a huge life change is hard ,because you always have that fear of what is gonna happen, and that who your true friends are. Do I miss the people that I've gotten to know in my life over the years oh hell yeah. I miss being able to have conversations with my best friend from work Terri, from our constant messages through facebook and our what book are you reading now. She has opened up my eyes to some of the more classics like Jane Austen, and Charlotte Bronte, just to name a few.  I miss having my neighbors right there to have a impromptu beer night if we are just sitting in the summer having a cold one and just asking about everyone's day and just spending time as a family. I miss Steven and the comfort I always felt when we would spend time together. He always calls me his little introvert, because well I am. I always loved watching tv shows on netflix and or movies, and cooking random concactions and they actually turn out really good. OUr phone conversations and skyping and texting have been too a minimum lately due to opposite schedules or one is going to work while the other is just getting home . I don't know how that is gonna be when he moves down here. Which by the way we are finally in the DOUBLE DIGITS.  

I just found out though that I was originally going to be going up to Chicago in May, but trying to get time off is not easy for working with the mouse. So I am not coming up to see the family and my friends, and some of them are pretty mad, and all I said was I'm sorry I can't afford it ,and to take time off of work especially being only part time for right now, I won't have anything for bills . I will get up there eventually, but heres hoping sooner than later. 

I am going to keep working on my blog getting it to my liking lately I've been adding and taking away some things and figuring out what works. I know that it won't be like some of the more professional blogs that you see , but It's a work in procress and I am perfectly ok with that.

I hope everyone has a good night or day depending on what time it is when you're reading this . Stay awesome.