Dare to Believe

Lets just say that I survived working 11 days straight! Boy do I not want to do that again! It's not that I'm grateful for them considering me to work at a different store, but I have to say that I missed my store the most. I've been disrespected before ,but I will never go back not even if they paid me salary to do it. 

I've been so busy this week and weekend I barely felt as though i did a lot and yet I feel so tired. thats what I get for not being able to sleep in because my body was so used to the fact of getting up at 5 or 6 am every day for the last 11 days. It was nice to have three days off , but that made me realize all the things that I've put on hold because I barely have/had the time to think straight. 

I know that I generally don't say much about people or that I need to speak my mind , but there are just thinks that really start to tear me apart.  I know that your supposed to love everyone or give respect to others, but lately I feel like I am being used more and more. No matter how much I can love a person I still feel not quite myself. That or I have gotten used to the fact that everyone has me going in so many different places that I never know what to do , because In the end I always seem to disappoint. I  mean that is what life is you can't always be perfect, you can't always be happy or make others happy. 

I do have some really good news! I finally after having this teaching lessons job, I finally have a lesson student!!!!!! Let the work being !!!  I know that patience and waiting and praying everyday that it would happen eventually sometimes God has a plan. He always does for everyone. It just takes time to do it. 

I feel like I'm starting to shut down again, with my emotions and being able to open up and its no ones fault other then my own. 
I just feel as though I am just going through the motions again. I am happy to have Steven in my life , but when we had dinner on sunday night , I just felt like I was seeing a different person. And I didn't like what I saw. I know there are things that he has to do to calm down and what not, but sometimes I just wish that he wouldn't , but I know that I'm not gonna tell him that he shouldn't he's an adult and he can do what he wants. I don't want to sabotage what we have because I know that this relationship is what is keeping the both of us sane. 

I know that we both live busy lives and that we do tend to forget about messages to each other, but I feel as though I'm playing the waiting game with him. I know he's busy I am busy too with work, taking care of mom, teaching lessons, going to rehearsals, and working out when I can , but I do take at least a minute or two to send something to him, to show that I think about him or that I miss him , but I rarely get anything in return. Sometimes it makes me feel as though I'm not thought of. I guess that can be a little selfish in a way and I understand that I can sometimes be selfish, but I am trying. I'm not perfect, nor would I want to be. I just wish it was easier. Granted we only see each other once a week, with our schedules. 

I don't know I think I need to slow my life down a bit, I feel as though I am moving faster then I really want to go at this moment. 

I hope you all enjoy your week Happy Monday!