updates

So it has been about a couple months since the last time that I have been writing in general. I'm not saying that I haven't had the time to write I really have had they time, but I've been doing a lot of  different things whether it be school, work or life in general. It has taken so much time to really kind of figure out slash getting back into what normalcy is what I mean by that is I've been grieving my mom even though most days it's good to miss her or healthy in that sense. I've still been dealing with pregnancy and not being pregnant anymore. That has truly turned my life a whole lot of upside down. I went from restarting school, and then finding out that I was pregnant then the next month to finding out that I was not expecting and that caused so much grief so much of continuing to ask why  and I know that there is really no answer as to why? 

With that being said I know that I have gotten so much scrutiny along with some condolences. To this day I personally don't know why I even mention to anyone what I have been feeling in general about the subject. I am 31 years old  I wouldn't be raising the child alone I have a significant other that will be  there 24/7. I know that there are people out there who don't have the support system . They have way worse then I do, I just wished that they kept the things that they said to themselves. I was so glad that my previous supervisor and senior manager were so supportive in it all . It was something I wasn't expecting to have to go through, however I've been through loss so many times between my parents and grandparents and pets. We all go through it multiple times in our lives.  In general it's been a whirlwind of emotions the last couple of months.  I really haven't had the chance to really sit down and write out anything and I feel as though that I've been at a lost because of everything that has happened. 

I'm so excited to have my significant other around more I didn't really know what I was missing having someone to come home too, someone who we can do anything  during the week and make dinner and what not . I know people think that we are rushing into a lot of things , but in all reality I've been waiting for him my whole life , he came at a time in  my life that I wasn't looking for anyone, with all that I had going on with my life but he stuck it out with all my craziness. I would never give him up , he always surprises  me like he buys flowers randomly  there is no reason for it always a great surprise to have When I had a bad day at work came home to flowers. Made my whole day  a lot better. I know many people think that I am rushing , but with the scrutiny of it all is what has me thinking like shoot I was in my 20's and was engaged once and many people said that I was too young, but now that I am in my 30's some people are still saying that I am still too young yet age is just a number and when people put there own personal aspects of there life into my life , it gets frustrating because I feel  as though since I am in my own time of life and they are in there own that we have to be all on the same page. 

I have been so very stressed lately with the apartment and just everything in general, however grateful that things are finally  setting into place.  as much as it has been stressful I know that it's been a long time coming. I'm grateful that my family was around to help me get back on my feet to be able to  keep going. it's been a lot of changes with in the last year , and I'm grateful that I have gone through them all. The moment that you have a breath of fresh air or a sigh of relief.