I finally have closure

"Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air , and remind yourself who you are and who you want to be."

I've come to realize that in my life I've lived it as what others wanted for me to live. I rarely made decisions for myself and just let everyone walk all over me, or say negative words, because thats what they thought they saw. I hid behind a mask a mask that I've wanted to throw down and show that, yes words can hurt,but they are not me. I will not make the words you say affect who I am.

I've also realized that if you love someone so much that they are your best friend. Can you really take care of them if something bad happens for example, if I were to get in a terrible car crash and become paralyzed from the waist down and my significant other would have to help me with almost everything. Would they? Do you ever really think about that with your partner? 

I think everyone just wants to get married and that's that. When you are in a relationship maybe that should be a topic to talk about. You have to be open with them. I know that is my one major flaw in myself is that I don't open up and that communication fails. 
I know that I am not perfect. I would never expect myself to be, I am here to be brave and be respectable and to be who I should be, a nice caring, all around lets help everyone I can because I love getting the joy it brings me to see other's faces light up.

I may be on the curvy/chubby side and I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror it was just all negativity until recently.. I look at myself and see that I can look curvy and healthy and that yeah I may have a huge ass and a gut, but that doesn't change who I am on the inside. 

I've had a lot of people be negative towards me in my life. I've had heartbreak and deaths in the family and my paths grow different with the years because I change my mind. I know that I may not know what my life is going to bring or that I even changed someone's life, but at least I know that I am going to be happy no matter what happens and that you might not like what I do or that I am different, but who made you to be that nagging little devil on my shoulder.  

I am not teaching or i should say that I don't have my dream job right now. It's still there in reaching grasp I just have to take it and run with it. It's a challenge for me ,but I am willing to let it not run me down. 

I know that I've regretted a lot of things in my life , but I've released all of it out of my heart, I am letting my life kind of calm down so to speak. I may not know what I want to do just yet, but, I hope to have someone either stand next to me or in front of me keeping me going and saying you are doing great. It's that little motivation , and love and caring , that will get through the good times and the bad , and not let go just because something bad happens. 

So from today on I am living my life how I am supposed to my way. If you have negativity I do not wanted I've been blinded enough by it. I am done. I am proud of the accomplishments that I've had from graduating college which I really thought wouldn't happen ,but did and it was an amazing feeling. I played my best at my Senior Recital, and I know that no one could take that spotlight away from me. I had a guy love me for me who now realize yes he did hurt me ,BUT it was because he cared and that he knew I was lost again , but I don't know if it's the right time to get back with each other. 
I want to be in it for the long run, but I'm afraid that it's too late, and that maybe moving on is what is best. I finally have closure with my demons. 

I hope you all have a great night